In understanding teenagers this has to be one of the most important things to remember- the teenage years are the equivalent of constant transition.  Teens are not really children, but not yet adults either.  Just looking at them can tell you that, right?  Some develop much quicker than others, for example- a 12 year old might look like a 16 year old but act like an 11 year old.  How many of you have seen that in a youth before?  Realize that while that is hard on the parents, it can be just as hard, or harder on the youth.  As parents of teenagers it is important to have a better understanding of what changes are taking place throughout their teenage years.  Think of it like this: the adolescent years (growing from child to adult) are much like the toddler years (growing from infant to child).  There are many ups and downs related to both of these stages and that is what we will look at in this post.

A Change in Their Way of Thinking

Do you remember when your now teenager was a child?  I’m sure you do.  Remember how hard it was to get them to understand abstract ideas?  They took everything you said just as you said it, very literal.  As they hit the developmental adolescent stage they begin to think conceptually, using judgement to discern situations.  It is common for teenagers to relate entirely different as teenagers than they did as children, why do you think teenagers are so often labelled ‘rebellious’?  Teens now understand the parables they have heard for so many years, such as ‘People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.’  This change typically happens between the ages of 11 and 12.  Many teens think that they now know everything, which is where so many parent-teen arguments come from.  They begin to think more about the values they were taught and possibly reject those values.  While this is hard for parents to go through, it is part of growing up and becoming an adult.  Do you agree with all of your friends’ values?  Probably not. 

Does all of this make it any easier when your teen does rebel?  Again, probably not, but maybe now you can understand it a bit more. 

A Change in Ideals

‘I’m not going to church anymore, I don’t believe in it.’  That is something I have heard parents struggle with often, along with other changes in values.  Believe it or not, some of the change in teens ideals is because they want attention, they want to be in control.  They also are seeking correct information- be glad when they seek that information from you, even if it starts a fight.  I’m sure that is hard to hear, especially from someone who doesn’t have teenagers yet, but it’s true.  They want to hear what you think, but aren’t quite ready mentally to have an adult conversation with you about it, so you end up in an argument.  Think about this as well- when the teen is in pain (hurting about something-whether it be from school, friends, or life at home) they want to make sure the parents feel that pain as well.  Remember that you are the parent and you are in control.  Help them to understand what they are going through and be supportive.  It will certainly help in the long run. 

So, why are we talking about all of this?

This whole post is about transition, right?  (Correct answer: yes!)  So how does transition play into your teen’s spiritual life?  The answer: in so many ways.  They will start asking more abstract questions now about God and His call to us as Christians.  They will be more curious about their faith and other faiths.  Don’t push this transition of a wonderful spiritual journey.  Help them by sharing your spiritual journey, your God moments during the week (places you have seen God’s love), and by listening to them as they ask questions.  Guide them as the seek the answers to those questions, but do not force the answer.  Being a guide means to accompany a person to show points of interest and to explain their meaning or significance.  Be a wonderful guide to your youth, and know that I am striving to be a guide for them as well.

Let us end in prayer,

Dear Lord, please help me to be the guide that my youth needs, both in his/her spiritual transition and in all his/her other changes as well.  Help me to understand what my youth is thinking and feeling, even when we are fighting over the silliest matters.  Help me understand the many influences my youth has, from media to friends to myself.  Help me sort through the bad to see the good, help me to see God in my child.  All of this I ask in your name, Amen.